Journey of my Life

The longest drive. the absolutely carefree 2 weeks.

Rattled yet again

I'm on a trip that i never wanted to take
my mind is a rocket and i'm strapped to the cockpit
my hands are tied, i cannot reach any of the controls
just a witness to the scenery that unfolds in rapid succession
through a dark alley this rocket is zooming
everything i see is rendered in photographic negative
i'm filled with anger and resentment
it's directed at nothing or nobody in particular
everything or everyone that comes my way seems to be the target
wrapped in a cold steel shroud painted with
miserable memories from the past, dreadful prospects from the future
it's like the first episode from the year 2000
obsessed with death but definitely not suicidal
sad songs seem like they were written just for this moment
desperately wanting to eject out of this flight
there's no light at the end of this tunnel
i realize i have commitments to honour
but nothing seems to be of any significance anymore
i realize there are people who need me back where i belonged
but i know any communication at this time will only make them sore
for i'm capable of being hurtful in this state of mind
waking up later to feel terrible about the things i said
guess i'll just go into hiding for a while
till the rocket runs out of fuel
or till i can extricate my hands and hopefully steer it into clear weather

Hope 12/15/2004

Alone on a boat, no land in sight
Wish this was just a dream, terrible fright
No nightmare this; just an imagination of the mind
Habits that brought me here; I'm leaving them behind
When all else is lost, there still remains hope
Whoever said that; has thrown me a rope
March I will, till the end of my time
Through thick & thin, till I find my prime
I hope this is me, not the meds from my shrink
Whatever it is, my health's turning to pink
'Your time is yet to come' said the man who read my palm
Oh! what a relief that is; such a soothing balm

This Day That Age - Chapter One

June 2004: This was probably when I was at the peak of my mania. Confidence oozing out of evey pore in my body. So I started the brawl in Bike & Barrel; 16th of June I think. On the night of the 17th I'm in the Dublin at the Park Sheraton. Good barman, gooder waiters; Javed, Migilvaanan. Good time smoking & drinking with utmost discipline.

Sometime fairly early in the evening: "That's not the fire in my belly. It's just acidity. The fire though is in my head." (I order a Veg sandwich & TC Water).There's a girl that's dancing really well; other's are still trying, as I look down at the dancing floor. "How I wish the whole world would learn it this very instant." Imagine: the world's one huge disco & everyone is shaking it, as though in a trance; everyone unto his own world.
"I shook my head with a dispproving demeanor & a frown that was plain dirty."

" Am I growing old? That'll be good news. 'I' will soon be dead. Nothing will be left. Maybe 'I' will experience nothingness then. That's the catch - how do you experience nothingness as long as you are somebody. And when there is nothingness, nobody is there to experience it
22:08 hrs: "On my 4th drink. Full of energy, selective about music. The energy within me is so high have to shake my booty."

23:38 hrs: "I'm going through excessive sensory excretion; stimulating all my cells though exercise, & keeping my skin moist & sensitive. Removing trash? Yes!"


A good part July 2004 was spent in the Hyatt Regency, or those are the only moments that are recorded in the memory.

16th July 2004, 1920 Hrs:
On the window of Room #643, overlooking the setting sun& the birds returing home. Orange horizon, clera blue sky, all colors inbetween. Watching the sun go down, taking with it, the 33 years of my life on this planet. Tonight's like the New Moon night. The moon's there, but it's just that you can't see it. Tomorrow this soul shall take on another new identity, a new attitude, a new life if you insist.
Goodbye 33 years, wassup future. Here I come.

1923 Hrs: Silver lined clouds lit from the bottom by the sinking sun
1941 Hrs; Deep orange in the background, highlighting dark cumulus clouds

This Day That Age - Epilogue

Ah! The time has come
I shall tell it all
To this true listener
It won't have any opinions
It won't give me advice
It won't ever tire
Of listening to my stories
Even if I were to repeat them
Like a scratched LP
My Dear Blog, my best friend